


This Ain't Love, It's Clear To See

by iamwolfqueen



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, Crushes, Denial, F/F, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of denial, M/M, Poor Sansa, Poor Theon, Sad, Teen Angst, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 08:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2221653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamwolfqueen/pseuds/iamwolfqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sansa and Theon are going through similar things, and they find comfort in one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Ain't Love, It's Clear To See

Sansa had no idea how it had started.

She’d said goodbye to Margaery after one of their frequent late night instant messaging sessions, closed her laptop, and cleared her mind ready for sleep.

Then the realisation came, and it wrecked her.

 

* * *

 

Theon had no idea how it started.

He lay in bed in the room he shared with Robb, staring at the ceiling until the early hours, as he was oft to do.

He and his father, the infamous Balon Greyjoy, owner of Greyjoy Shipping Ltd., didn't get along. When his sister Asha had left for university, he gradually moved in to the Starks’ large house in Winterfell. He’d practically lived there before anyway, having been best friends with Robb since the age of 10, so Ned and Catelyn Stark had no qualms about it.

His family situation meant that most nights he was up thinking later than he would have liked, but recently he had been thinking about something – no, someone – different.

When realisation set in, it wrecked him.

He was terrified. He had to prove his thoughts wrong, maybe find a girlfriend, but he knew he didn’t have many options… He didn't make many friends at Winterfell High School. He’d built up a front to protect himself, and that front included acting laddish, even creepy. Now it was beginning to have adverse effects.

He did have one option; there was one girl who might be able to see through his façade and give him a chance.

 

* * *

 

Theon asked Sansa out a week later, in a February colder than the last. She was surprised, but accepted the offer out of both her unfailing kindness and her futile optimism.

They went to a coffee shop and fed each other the standard meaningless chat that’s common on first dates. Sansa had never been out with anyone before, and afterwards she could think of just one word to describe it – fine. Nothing went wrong, in fact, she had had rather a nice time, but it simply wasn't like what she had imagined it might be in her head… It wasn't the same as in the stories she had read.

 

* * *

 

They continued dating after that, and officially became girlfriend and boyfriend. Robb threw them a suspect glance or two, but he was too wrapped up in his own girlfriend, Jeyne Westerling, to worry about his little sister that much. In all honesty, the Starks were pleased that Sansa’s first boyfriend was Theon, a boy they knew so well and could trust not to hurt her.

Margaery reacted kindly, and didn't judge Sansa’s taste like all the other girls in their school would have done. She jokily complained that she would no longer be able to make cat lady jokes at Sansa now that she finally had a boyfriend, and she warned Theon about what she would do if he ever harmed her best friend, eyes sparkling all the while.

 

* * *

 

A month later, they were still going steady. Well, not “steady”, since nothing much had changed since their first date. And people were beginning to notice.

Robb and Jon had started to tease Theon about the lack of kissing in his relationship. Sure, it was slightly awkward for Robb to talk about when it was his sister that Theon was dating (and the same for Jon, except Sansa was his cousin), but they were mates, and taking the piss was their job.

It worked as well – the Greyjoy boy was now constantly on the lookout for an opportunity to kiss Sansa. He’d kissed girls enough times before, but he cared deeply for his girlfriend and knew that this would be her first kiss. He couldn’t ruin it for her.

 

* * *

 

It happened outside the coffee shop where they went on their first date. Once again it was fine.

By now, however, they’d both realised that “fine” is never a good thing.

Theon was used to it – he’d kissed girls before, and never had he felt anything special, but the adrenaline rush always seemed to fill the gap. He couldn't help but think of the person who would be able to make him feel something, and he hated himself for it.

Sansa was disappointed. She knew how it was supposed to work; there should’ve been a spark, fireworks, a beautiful connection. Instead she felt nothing. Foolishly, she let her mind wander, only to push the thoughts of her best friend to the back of her mind when she became aware of what she was doing. It was wrong, wrong and impossible.

Her pained expression was instantly recognisable to Theon. He didn't know who she was thinking about, but he understood what was happening inside her head. After all, he was having the same thoughts.

 

* * *

 

He didn't speak much with Sansa for a while after that. He wasn't sure what he would say.

He didn't speak much with Sansa, not until Robb brought Jeyne over to stay the night. He offered to stay in Jon’s room, knowing full well what Robb and his girlfriend were intending to do, and he was fine. Jon was out, practicing with his band, the Night’s Watch. Jon was out. Robb was with Jeyne. Theon was alone, and he was fine.

So fine, in fact, that when Sansa appeared in the doorway, clutching a few CDs of Jon’s that she needed to give back, Theon was… tipsy.

He hadn’t gone overboard. He had just wanted to lighten his spirits a bit.

“Sansa!” he stage whispered as she entered the room, “Do you know what? I’m in denial!”

“Me too, Theon, me too…” she muttered, crossing the room to sit next to him on the makeshift bed. She blushed vividly when she registered what she’d said.

“Don’t worry Sansa, I know that already. I just don’t know what about,” he said in a questioning tone.

And so she told him things she hadn’t yet told herself. She told him about Margaery, and how she’d recently come to like her as more than a friend. She told him how she’d never liked anyone in that way before. She told him about finding the word “asexual” on the Internet, and how it gave her comfort and a sense of community. It fit her, and made everything make sense. None of this self-discovery, however, changed the fact that she had a crush on her best friend, and it was tearing her apart.

Then it was Theon’s turn. He told Sansa how he had always liked boys, since he was little. How he quickly learnt that this was wrong, from the world in general and from his traditional, hyper-masculine father. How his persona around girls was really just overcompensation in an attempt to deny his identity. How he now had a crush on Robb Stark, his best friend, and it was killing him inside.

They were crying by the end of it. There was no point in holding back the tears; they’d let everything out now, and both of them felt lighter, the weight of their combined denial had been released and they could move forward, towards acceptance.

Right in that moment, Theon held Sansa close to him, and she returned the gesture. They both recognised that the people they wanted were unattainable. They needed one another, needed to feel understood and valued and loved, for there were things about them that could drive people away – not that they should, but the fear was still present, loud and clear, totally overbearing.

They would worry about all of that another day.

For now, they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you like this! It's the first fic I've written that I don't hate... I think there are some tense issues though, and probably some other stuff...
> 
> Huge thanks go to Dee (lilypxtter.tumblr.com), who beta'd this for me even though she's not that familiar with ASOIAF!! Love you <3
> 
> and ofc the title is from 'stay with me' by sam smith :)


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